Remember how long you waited to get exactly where you are today?
I’ve been spending a lot of time in conversation with my younger self lately. Hey, Erin. We’ll be okay. Yes, I know you’re scared and sad and you have no idea where things are going. I know you are wondering how it will turn out. I know sometimes you think that you could go either way - yes or no - on this being alive thing.
I promise, though, you will look back and be glad.
You will be grateful.
I am grateful. Grateful for you. Grateful for your grit and your hutzpah and your bravery. I am so glad you shed all of those tears. I am glad you wondered and you kept showing up.
It is not all okay. Everyone who promises you that is looking for something to say and landing on something trite. It is hard, and brutal, and magnificent. It feels okay in some moments and then very much not in others.
The way down is a little easier than the way up, and it looks very different. You will miss the view from the top but you know there will be other ascents. One of your boyfriends will comment on a hike together that on the uphill climb, he imagines that you are cheery and whistling. You adopt this as your attitude toward the uphill climb, though it is not at all your demeanor. Really, you are stubborn about getting to the top.
Climbing feels good for your legs, and often requires a nice long rest. Some days you feel weak.
Remember how long you waited? We are here. We are still waiting for some things, and we have arrived in the places you always imagined for us. We still love shoes.
You will get there. Here. Keep climbing.