Nature abhors a void. I’ve said it over and over - this little phrase of advice from a friend in response to a long ago breakup. I can’t remember who it was now, just that I was devastated and looking for distraction in its wake. I was immediately trying to fill a hole in my life with something else, and I was suffering because of it. Since that time, my relationship with the void has morphed and changed, and I have changed as a result.
I’ve always been an extracurriculars person. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an endlessly curious person or a passively guilted person or if I came of age among go-getters and overachievers, but I have always been involved. This involved-ness has become so much a part of me that I don’t even question it. Of course I’ll be on that committee, of course I will lead that project, of course I will say yes to that demand on my time. Recently I’ve begun to question this niggling part of my identity… who would I be if I wasn’t so goddammed …. involved? Would I still regard myself with respect? Would I maybe even like myself better if I took some things off my plate? If I create a void?
Voids come in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes, voids are created for us. Breakups, shifts in relationship status, deaths…. pandemics. A trip is canceled, a plan falls through, a job is lost. Sometimes, we create voids. We are less adept at this in our little universes of overcommitment and multitudes of demands on our time… but we can create voids too. We can cancel plans, we can back out of commitments (I internally gasp when I say that), we can change our schedules. We are not at the whim of our schedules. We are in control of our lives. Even when everything in our lives feels like a fact and a given…. it can be changed.
I am starting to believe that creation and management of the voids in our lives is one of the most creative forces we have to work with. Voids can shape us - sudden and incredible shifts in our lives offer us incredible opportunity to work within a new form, to create within a new space. We are altered, and the terrain of our lives are altered as well. A whole new pallet is opened up to us.
I wonder what our lives might look like if we stopped unconsciously filling every void, and started consciously creating them? What creative energy might swoop in? What healing might occur? What deep self respect might strengthen? What might we unearth? How might we become more of who we are by managing, dancing with, and creating meaningful voids in our lives?