I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about reserves lately. Reserves, not preserves... though now I’m kind of craving raspberry preserves.
You know when you overdraft your bank account and, if you’re smart, it’s linked to savings and quickly makes up the difference? Have you ever done that multiple times? Have you ever spent all happy-go-lucky without thinking about your balance only to realize in horror that not only have you overdrafted and incurred overdraft fees and multiple savings withdrawals and and and....
Yeah, me neither.
So I’m thinking that energy is kind of the same way. We are bee-bopping along steadily with our energy, saying yes to every stinkin’ opportunity - to volunteer, to go that event, to go on that trip, to hang out with friends, to do whatever-pops-up. We are “hustling” (whatever that means) to make sales goals and strategic goals and Type-A goals. We are romanced by the idea that our identity is wrapped up in all of these markers- what we do, what we accomplish.
And the world is hard. And the news keeps coming. And the internal struggles and emotional pain we feel about Life are there, always, taking subscription fees out of our energetic bank account, sometimes without our noticing.
A couple of times, without warning, an unexpected cost comes up. A tragedy, a death, a Really Big Project. Sometimes in the quiet of an afternoon we are struck with the reality of an old trauma. And it hurts. We’re forced to withdraw more from the account.
All of these costs, these commitments, these emotional realities, these Big Unplanned Trauma - they have a cost. They deplete us - sometimes without our knowing. They keep drafting fees and recurring more costs.
If our accounts our shallow, if our reserves are few, if our emotional Rainy Day Funds haven’t been fully funded, if we haven’t thought to set aside enough reserves to cover us, we tank. We squirm and we hide and we cover our eyes when we check the balance. We do not know that the fees will keep coming.
So what I’m wondering- what I’m exploring - is how to fill up my reserves. How do I diversify my savings? How do I fill the deep deep pockets of my soul with enough nourishment to fully sustain me through those Hard Times? How do I stop before swiping my emotional credit card or saying yes to yet another commitment? How do I evaluate which activities and which people will provide the fulfillment and replenish my account? How do I keep an eye on the balance and not blindly spend my energy? Which activities pay dividends? Which people have a high interest rate? Which life goals are just an empty pit of emotional-validation spending?
Anyway, the metaphors are getting out of control, but you see what I mean. I think we owe it to ourselves to fill up when we are depleted. I think we owe it to ourselves and our bodies and our hearts and our souls to keep an eye on our emotional reserves and know when we are reaching our limit. And I think it’s imperative to discover the unique ways our souls need replenishing.
For me, that’s - home, light, quality time with myself and with my cat. It’s long stretches of life that require nothing of me but daydreaming and consumption of questionable television. It’s daydreaming about decorating and art. It’s going down rabbit holes of nerdy material. It’s laughing and joking with friends who feel like family. It’s walking outside, even if I only have a small amount of physical energy for it.
I hope you’re paying attention to your account. I hope you find the strength to stop and pour some love back into yourself. You are a good human. You are doing good things. Do not let the good things that you do in the world become a drain on your own Being. If you’re nearing burnout, please stop and find the unique ways that your soul is asking for replenishment.